Title: May Angels Lead You In
Pairing: Castiel/Anna, Dean/Anna. Castiel’s POV.
Rating: HET, G.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Supernatural…. or Dean Winchester… if I owned him, surely he would not have ended like this. the title is from Jimmy Eat World’s “Hear you me” .
Notes: based on Supernatural season 4 episode 10.
I’m glad to see you again.
And I’m sorry. Really.
“No, you are not. Not really. You don’t know the feeling.”
They say angels have no feelings. Is this a gift granted by god? I don’t know.
They are wrong.
Not all of us, but some, we feel.
Lucifer felt, and Fell. He was the first. Not every angel wants to feel so strongly to desire the Fall. So, after a while, you started whispering “…but it’s not enough”.
During our long conversation…… when we tried to talk, like those silly, little humans… tried to force, to pour our feelings into the air, to make them real … it felt so strange, so different from the constant, reassuring flow of thoughts that pervaded everything in Paradise… when we tried to be only us, whispering softly, lightly, so that God couldn’t hear, you always said “Yes, this is gift.”
I loved you, back in Paradise. I had other feelings, too. Doubts, Uncertainty, Confusion, Loss……although they weren’t strong enough to make me abandon God’s plan. But they were enough to be punished for them.
It was an order like so many others, but after millennia obeying, I could tell the difference. Or maybe it sounded wrong because I was wrong, I don’t know. My punishment didn’t end with that. I was sent out again, this time to kill you… to bring you back… it will be pretty much the same for you, won’t it?
I was sent to rescue a young human whose entire life, and death, had seemed to gravitate only around his feelings, and a mission that was so tainted with all the love towards his brother and all the duties towards his father … that it was difficult to see anything else.
Have you found what you longed for? You are so beautiful when Grace fills you.
Have you found it with him?
What kind of feelings should I have about this… I don’t know.
They say angels have no feelings. I feel so sad.
They are wrong.